What once was lost
by Momsa
Summary: They both know they will end up as a couple and it seems like the right time has come when the team goes out to dinner one night … until someone from the past comes and changes their plans.
1. Chapter 1

**Authors note**

Please note that English is not my native language. Sorry for the errors if there are any. Oh … reviews would be nice.

**Disclaimer**

I don't own NCIS Los Angeles or any of the wonderful characters we all know and love. Any other names and places are fictional. No friction intended.

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><p><strong>Chapter one<strong>

It had to be a warehouse. She hates warehouses. They are the worst places to get into a gunfight in because you are such an easy target. As their suspect runs into the warehouse they all suspect that this is a setup but still they continue. Callen and Sam go in after the suspect while Kensi and Deeks find another entrance and hope to catch their suspect before he can escape.

Thing's do not go as planned. They are barely inside the door when the shooting starts and soon Callen and Sam are fighting for their lives. They manage to take cover behind some metal boxes, occasionally shooting back at any of the six men trying to kill them.

Kensi and Deeks both realize what is happening as they move silently towards the gunshots, taking out two of the men without much trouble. When the other mobsters notice there are more people inside the warehouse they split up. Callen shoots two of them and Sam shoots their suspect but the last one manages to hide.

They look for the last man and have almost given up hope when Deeks sees him sneaking up on Kensi with his gun aimed at her. Kensi has her back to the shooter and without thinking Deeks grabs her by the waist and pushes her against a stack of boxes, shielding her with his body while he raises his gun and fires two shots at the man.

Kensi hears three shots being fired and for a split second she thinks the third shot is from Sam's gun as he comes running towards them, but then she looks at Deeks. He still has his arm around her, his body pressing hers to the boxes, but there is pain in his eyes as he slowly falls to his knees.

"Oh God" she whispers and gets down on her knees in front of him. As she strips him of his Kevlar and pushes up his shirt to see if the bullet has gone through the vest, he is gasping for air, trying to catch his breath and groaning in pain with every new breath he takes.

"Not here Fern" he tells her with something resembling a grin on his face.

Trust him to get on her nerves at a time like this. He knows how she felt the last time he was shot. It nearly broke her heart.

At the moment she has no humor at all and has to stop her self from punching him in the arm for the remark. Instead she bends down and whispers in his ear: "You better not call me Fern when that time comes."

He would be laughing if he was physically able to but that will have to wait. Her words make him happy because they both know that that time is coming soon.

"Deeks, are you okay?" Callen asks and kneels down beside him. He is relieved when there is no blood and that the bullet is still stuck in his Kevlar.

"He's fine" Kensi answers irritably, looking at her partner lying on the warehouse floor. His shirt is still pulled up exposing his stomach and he looks a little like a child having a tantrum at the supermarket.

"Take him to the hospital to have an x-ray to make sure nothing is broken" Callen continues and looks at Kensi. "Sam and I will clean up here and see you at Freddie's tonight."

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><p>Hetty is convinced that having a good time together, away from the Mission and their daily routine, is necessary for the team moral. She has booked a table at Freddie's in advance for the evening. Of course they had been hoping for a slow day but you can't win them all.<p>

After having spent most of the afternoon at the hospital Deeks is told that he has no broken ribs and no internal bleeding. There will be some bruising but otherwise he is fine.

He insists on coming to Freddie's and because Kensi feels she is in his debt, she offers to pick him up. It is absurd how many times he has saved her in the past year although she is not so sure she needed saving today. Deeks doesn't see it the same way, but that is just they way they are. Constantly bickering about the little things, but try to attack one or the other and they will stick together like glue.

On the way from the hospital they decide it makes more sense if he is the one picking her up because she needed more time to get ready. That is of course his opinion, not necessarily shared by her, but she's not in the mood to tell him otherwise so when they get to her place he takes her car home to get ready.

It turns out he is right after all because an hour later he is back at her place, sitting in her living room while she is finishing to get ready. His ribs hurt like hell when he makes sudden moves and laughing is probably not a good idea tonight, but he really doesn't want to be alone. Going to Freddie's will be fun and he can go home early if he feels like it.

"I need a little help here" she tells him as she comes from her bedroom, wearing a small black dress. "Can you zip me up? My nail polish isn't dry."

He is a little startled because although he was waiting for her to get ready, he had kind of relaxed and gotten comfortable in her sofa. The truth is, he would be happy just staying at home with her but they are not exactly a couple … yet.

He gets up and walks over to where she is standing and stops behind her. Their eyes lock for a moment in the mirror while he takes in her beauty. Her hair is flowing down her back, loose curls teasing his fingers as he zips up the dress.

"I like your dress" he tells her. "Hoping to get lucky tonight?" he asks.

She knows that he is flirting with her. He simply can't help it. To ask him to stop flirting would be like asking the stars not to shine. Besides, she likes it and sometimes she gives just as good as she gets.

"Perhaps, if the right man comes along" she tells him.

"What do you mean, if the right man comes along?" He pretends to be hurt. "Didn't Hetty tell you to stop looking, I am right here."

"You think she was referring to you?" she asks him as she turns to face him.

He pretends to be insulted. "That's it, I'm not taking you to Freddie's in that little thing" he says as he circles her waist with one hand while reaching up and unzipping the dress with the other. "I can't fend off the other guys in my condition. Go find some jeans and a frumpy sweater to wear."

"I'll fend them off my self, thank you" she tells him, running her hand down his chest. "I'll even take extra special care of you tonight, given your delicate condition. Now zip my dress up again, please."

He gives her one of his special looks and runs his fingers slowly down her spine before zipping the dress back up and letting go of her. He really wouldn't mind staying at home with her but she's all dressed up and looking so very nice that he can't ask her to skip dinner.

She reluctantly moves from his embrace and picks up a purple clutch bag matching her purple stilettos. She glances at their image in the mirror before they leave and is happy with what she sees. They really do look great together.

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><p>They take her car and Deeks drives them to Freddie's. They manage to be the last ones to arrive and every one is looking at them as they walk in. They can see Sam leaning into Callen, saying something, looking first at Kensi and then at Deeks, and then Callen nods and they both smile.<p>

Deeks knows they are laughing at his expense but decides not to let it bother him. Sometimes he envy's them of the friendship they have, friendship he never had at the LAPD where he was more hated than loved.

He's not complaining. His partner is the best partner in the world, but she has her demons, just like he does. They may not have the same sort of friendship that Sam and Callen have, but they have something different and very special. He hopes that one day their friendship will be as solid as Sam's and Callen's. Until then he is happy with what they have now. And flirting seems to be their favorite thing these days.

He walks her to the bar, one hand on the small of her back, and orders bear for him self and a mojito for her. They are soon laughing with the others, listening to jokes and stories of how Deeks saved Kensi's life earlier that day, none of which are his version of what happened.

Kensi and Deeks stick together like glue. He keeps putting his hand protectively on her back and occasionally lets it slide a little too far down her butt. At one time she pays him back and slides her hand down to his butt, squeezing hard, making him laugh out loud and then groan in pain as his laughter makes his ribs hurt. None of their team mates can see what is happening because the two of them are standing at the end of the bar, but the two women that have been looking at Deeks' butt since they came in got the message.

Dinner is a success and is followed by some more drinking and karaoke, Hetty being the first one to take to the stage. Kensi refuses to take part but Deeks follows the rest of the team and when his time is up he serenades his partner with a little number to every ones amusement except hers.

Kensi's punishment for not taking part is drinking one straight shot of Tequila for every song the others sing, getting her dangerously drunk on her date with Senor Tequila. They are all getting rather drunk and the more Kensi drinks, the more frisky she becomes. Her hand keeps straying to Deeks' thigh under the table, going dangerously close to his crotch, making him grin like a fool and her giggle like a school girl.

Half of the fun the two of them are having is behaving like children, thinking that no one suspects what they are up to. The rest of the fun is knowing that at the end of the night they will go home together and do something about this sexual attraction they have been fighting for so long.

Shortly before midnight Nell decides she had enough. It comes as no surprise that Eric leaves at the same time and Hetty, Sam and Callen follow their example only ten minutes later, leaving only the very drunk Kensi and Deeks sitting at the table.

The others are barely out of the restaurant before their lips meet. He has been craving this kiss for a very long time and it feels every bit as good as he expected. "Your place or mine" he asked her between kisses.

"Yours" she answers and pulls away from him, ready to go there right now.

When they get to the exit Deeks realizes he has to pee. It may take some time to get a taxi and he will pee his pants if he doesn't go right now.

"Stay here, don't move" he tells her smiling as he works his way back to the men's room.

She has not felt this happy for a long time. She may be drunk (and that may be an understatement) but she knows in her heart that this is right. Deeks is her partner and her best friend and who better to have sex with than your best friend.

She closes her eyes and leans into the wall, waiting for him to come back. When she feels a hand on her shoulder she opens her eyes and smiles. At first she isn't sure that she is seeing what is actually in front of her. Senior Tequila may be playing tricks on her but the man standing in front of her is not Marty Deeks.

"Jack?" she asks questioningly.

"Kensi, thank god I found you" he replies and takes both her hands in his.

She is too stunned to think of anything to say and when he starts walking her out of Freddie's she just follows him without a word. There are a thousand emotions going through her right now and she is having trouble sorting through them. She can hear Jack talking but the words don't make any sense to her. When he tries to get her into his car she remembers that she is waiting for Deeks and that she is going home with him but Jack seems to have other plans.

When she finally manages to take in what is happening to her it is too late.


	2. Chapter 2

**Recap**

The whole team goes out to dinner and karaoke and had great fun. Kensi and Deeks are heading back to his place for even more fun when fate steps in …

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><p><strong>Chapter two<strong>

When she comes to she is lying in the backseat of a car. The streetlights are moving fast and she figures she is probably on some highway because of the speed the lights are passing by. She feels her stomach protest and for a moment she thinks she is going to throw up but somehow she holds it together.

She licks her lip and tastes blood. Her hands are tied behind her back and her feet are also tied together.

She tries to remember what happened to her. She remembers drinking a lot of Tequila … and a lot of mojito's too. That may not have been a good idea seeing how she is now tied up, going God knows where fast. She won't be able to fight her way out of this one.

She remembers Deeks, remembers waiting for him at Freddie's. And she remembers kissing Deeks … that's a good memory. She smiles to her self. It's all coming back to her, the karaoke, the Tequila, the flirting and the kissing. She had a great night out with her friends.

And then it hits her. Jack. She had seen Jack. Her Jack … only he wasn't her Jack any more.

She tilts her head, hoping to see the driver. It's too dark to see anything clearly but she doesn't have to. He may look different after nearly seven years but she still knows this features and the reflection she is looking at in the rear view mirror is his. Why would he kidnap her after all these years?

She feels her stomach protest again and tries to turn to her side. Her purse is on the floor, half way under the passenger seat. Her phone is probably still in it but she has no way of reaching it to alert her team mates. She hopes her phone has enough battery so they can put a trace on her when Deeks finds out she's missing. He will come looking for her ... she hopes, or it's going to be a long weekend.

She somehow manages not to throw up. His driving has changed, they are not going as fast now and she no longer sees any trees or houses, only darkness.

There is nothing she can do but lay there and wait. She may be way too drunk to think straight but she is not above being afraid.

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><p>When the car finally stops she has no idea where she is and no sense of direction. She had dozed off and it feels like they have been driving for hours.<p>

He gets out of the car and comes to open the door to help her out. He doesn't seem to notice that she is awake until he has pulled her half way out of the car. He throws her over his shoulder and walks with her into the house.

She can't see what the house looks like because it's too dark and she is hanging upside down and only has a view of his pants. When he gets her inside he turns on a flash light and takes her to what she thinks must be the kitchen. There he sets her down on a chair and starts busying him self with lighting some candles.

He hasn't spoken to her since he kidnapped her. She looks around and tries to get a feel for the house. She is sure they passed a staircase so there must be a second floor. There might also be a cellar but she's not sure. The one thing she can be sure of is that the house is falling apart.

She watches as he lights the candles and makes him self something to drink. She's not really sure what her feelings are towards him. She has been hoping to find him for so many years that she has forgotten why she wanted to find him. It's not because she loves him, because she doesn't. She hasn't loved him for a long time.

Now that he's found her she's confused. She knows the house is most likely in the middle of nowhere and the fact that he's tied her up scares her. He had never been a violent man but a lot can change in seven years. Everything seems to be well thought out. He has chosen this place carefully, she can scream and shout all she wants and no one is going to hear her.

He seems to have forgotten she is there and right when she is about to remind him he looks at her.

"You came back" he says and comes to sit by the table where he had put her on an old chair. His handsome face lights up and he seems happy to see her.

"What?" She's not sure she heard him right.

"You should not have left me" he continues her.

She is still trying to take this in. He looks like Jack, his voice is almost the same but he is thin and his eyes keep darting to the door like he's expecting someone to enter any minute.

"I didn't leave you Jack, you left me" she tells him quietly. "You left me on Christmas morning almost seven years ago."

"I did?" He seems confused and then he becomes angry. "No, I didn't!" he tells her and slaps her across the face. He hits her hard enough to throw her off the chair. She lands on her side, the chair falling with her.

There are no words to describe what she is feeling. Jack never hit her before. Well, he did hit her when he kidnapped her but she has no memory of it so this is like her first time. She feels tears in her eyes, her cheek and ear hurt like hell and her heart is about to burst.

She has been hit before and really hard. Never ever has it felt like this. Usually she just gets up and hits back. She doesn't feel any anger, only hurt and guilt and heartbreak. And she asks her self if she really did everything to try to save him, if what has happened to him is her fault for not spending more time trying to find him all those years ago.

He picks her up from the floor and puts her back on the chair without saying a word, securing the ties so she can't move from the chair. She looks at him, trying to see the man that she knows. His physical appearance has changed. He used to be very fit and strong but the man in front of her looks more like a drug addict than the man she knew.

She stills herself and battles the tears for a minute. "I am here now" she says quietly when she gets the strength to talk.

By now he has no interest in talking and leaves her alone in the kitchen. She can hear him working his way around the house for a while and then everything becomes quiet.

There are a few candles lit in the kitchen but they don't provide much light. She reflects on the years they had together and on how much she had loved him. Jack had been the man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. She had wanted to have his children, to stay at home raise their children and to love their family for better or for worse.

She has no idea why she has been holding on to this memory of what could have been for all this time because the man she loved had never came back from Fallujah. He was never the same. She had tried everything. She listened to everything he wanted to share with her and she was always honest with him and told him the truth, even when he wasn't happy about it. She never lied to him or hid the truth about his condition once he got back. And she wanted to stick to their plans about getting married, even when he didn't.

Her mind takes her to the beginning of the evening, to the dress she picked out and wore for Deeks. Everything she wore this evening she had chosen for him. She knew they would end up together, it was inevitable and she was really looking forward to it happening.

And then she blew it by getting kidnapped. How did everything get so screwed up? She feels her tears rolling down her cheeks and she can't seem to stop crying. The salty tears burn her skin as they continue to fall down her face and throat. She feels a headache coming on, thanks to senor Tequila no doubt, and she whishes her partner and team mates would come and save her.

She's not that lucky. Jack seems to be back in action and when he comes back into the kitchen he is all fired up. There is no mistake, he is really sick and he needs help before he does something they will both regret. And then he hits her again and everything goes dark.

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><p>This time she is tied to a bed when she wakes up. It's daybreak and there is some light coming in through the fabric that once may have been beautiful curtains. She tries to move her hands but they are tied above her head and her feet are tied to each bedpost.<p>

She can hear him coming up the stairs. When he walks into the room and notices that she is awake he smiles and gets on the bed between her legs. He seems to be high on something and then she sees the small mirror lying on the bed next to her. Cocaine, he's doing cocaine. Not taking his medicine is one thing, amplifying the symptoms of his illness with cocaine is not what he needs right now. And it's certainly not what she needs.

She knows what is going to happen to her and she fears it more than anything. How can the thought of what is about to happen frighten her so much when she used to give her self so freely to this man before?

She tries to remember what they told her in the survival classes, to distance your self from what is happening. All agents know this can happen to them, especially female agents.

If Jack was just some nobody she didn't know, she would have no problem hating him and her only thought would be to kill him slowly once she had the opportunity. But he isn't just some bad guy and no one ever told her about the pain and the hurt that comes with being abused by a loved one or someone you trust. The physical pain is nothing compared to the emotional pain and the betrayal she feels right now.

He snorts a line of cocaine from the mirror and she can see the way it makes him feel invincible. He crawls up to her and tries to kiss her on the mouth. She rolls her head to her side and he moves down to her neck, telling her how glad his is that she came back to him and that finally they will be making the family they had planned.

His hands are all over her body. He takes of his clothes and tries to get her dress of but realizes that he has tied her up and can't get her undressed. He seems confused. Then he snorts another line from the mirror before taking the razor sharp blade he used to cut the cocaine and starts cutting up her dress.

She flinches as he cuts her skin but he doesn't seem to notice. He just keeps on cutting her dress until it has been cut in two and he can see her naked body before him. Her bra and panties are also cut to pieces.

Her mind is doing all kinds of stupid things, trying to block out what is happening. Trying to remember that he is sick and that this is not the Jack she knows. He is not this monster, he is a kind and loving man and he would never do this to her.

But he is, and there is nothing she can do about it.

Four times the grazes her skin and the small incisions make red lines on her skin. He runs his fingers over one of them, smearing her blood over her stomach and then licking it off like it was candy. He is completely out of his mind and she is rapidly loosing her sanity. Nothing has prepared her for this.

She pleads with him not to do this, begs him to untie her and let her go, but he has no intention of ever letting her out of his sight again. She is his and she always will be.

He keeps touching her, running his hands over her body and she wanders how his touch can seem so alien to her. She used to love him, used to love his gentle touch and the way he made her feel special. How could things change so drastically? How can he not see what this is doing to her? What he is doing to her?

There are no answers and there is no one coming to her rescue. She feels her self slowly loosing it and by the time he forces him self inside her she is sobbing, her tears rolling down her face and her spirit completely broken.

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><p>Please review, I like reviews. Next update will hopefully be next Thursday.<p> 


	3. Chapter 3

**Recap**

After having a great night out Kensi is kidnapped by her long lost fiancé. After a night of horror her only hope is that her partner and team mates find her before it's too late.

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><p><strong>Chapter three<strong>

Deeks knows he's taking too long in the bathroom but most of his time is spent in front of the condom vendor. There are no flavored condoms like in his favorite bar but the ones he gets will do the job just fine.

He's heading back when he gets a text from her. He smiles as he looks at his phone, expecting it to be about not playing with himself and to hurry back. But the text he is reading is nothing like the text he was expecting and it makes him run to where she should be waiting. Only she's not there.

He looks around inside before going outside to look for her. He knows he won't find her, she has already gone. If she decides something nothing will change her mind and the text is pretty clear.

He can't believe she did this. That she backed out of their date and went home without him. They have been doing this flirting thing for a very long time now, never making it quite as far as tonight but there has been the occasional touching and almost kissing and ever growing sexual attraction. Sleeping together was inevitable and he was sure it would happen tonight.

He really doesn't want to go home alone and he feels like she owes him an explanation. He also knows that she will tell him it's because he's her partner and they shouldn't ruin a good partnership for the simple pleasure of sex. He doesn't agree, in his opinion they can be partners and lovers.

It takes him a few minutes to get a taxi. A cute blond tries to get his attention and asks him to share a cab with her. He knows that she is also asking him to share her bed and on any other night he probably would consider it. God knows he has the condoms ready.

But he has fallen hard for his partner and she is the only woman on his mind right now. And the truth is that even though she may be the most stubborn woman he has ever met, he himself can be stubborn as well. And he usually gets what he wants in the end. It's just a matter of waiting for the right time. He will just have to wait a little longer than he had expected. So, tonight he will be sleeping alone.

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><p>He wakes up with a hangover. His first thought is about her and the fact that she isn't in his bed. His wallet and the six condoms he managed to get from the vendor last night, are on his bedside table. Some might say he had been a bit optimistic but he had been hoping they would stay in bed the whole weekend.<p>

He drags him self out of bed and goes down to the beach for a morning surf. It helps with the hangover and gives him some time to reflect on last nights events. It bothers him that she didn't talk to him face to face. And it bothers him that she didn't pick up when he called her, but he respects her decision. Hates it, but respects it.

The surf does him good and he feels almost human after two hours of surfing. The beach is a busy place on Saturday mornings. Many people only surf during the weekend which makes him feel lucky he can come here every morning when he feels like it.

He is about to leave when he spots Eric wading through the waves. He knows Eric surfs in the mornings like he does but Sam keeps telling him to change his routine since he got shot and that means he usually doesn't meet many people he knows. He takes a few minutes to watch Eric surf and looks around the beach for another familiar face, finally finding her in the sand.

He laughs to him self. He knew there was something going on between Eric and Nell and when they went home at the same time last night he was sure they were going together. Her being there makes him sure they are doing the hanky panky.

When he gets back home he takes a long shower and gets dressed. It's not too late to buy her some breakfast and coffee and take it to her. Perhaps she will explain what happened that made her change her mind about them going home together.

He buys her favorite doughnuts and coffee and heads to her bungalow. He knocks on her door and waits for her to open. She's taking her time and he assumes it's because he's waking her up, but she's not answering. He knocks again, louder this time. Still there is no answer. He wanders if she might be up already. She could be getting her car, they left it at Freddie's last night.

He puts the coffee down and tries calling her cell. She's not answering her phone either. By now he has this feeling in the pit of his stomach that something is wrong. He digs in his pocket until he finds his keys. Her key is the red one on his key ring.

He opens the door, calling her name. No answer. Everything seems the same as yesterday, the magazine he was reading while waiting for her is still on the table along with the beer he had left there.

He walks into to her bedroom and finds her bed empty except for the heap of clothes she has left on it. He's never been to her bedroom before but he's pretty sure she hasn't come home and that surprises him a little. He didn't expect her to go anywhere else but home. She has no family in LA and he only knows of one friend she has had since her childhood and she doesn't live in LA either.

He picks up his phone and checks for any messages from her. There are no missed calls and no new texts. He leaves her bungalow, the coffee and doughnuts still outside and heads for Freddie's to see if her car is still there.

On the way he calls Eric, hoping he's not still surfing. He begs him to go down to the Mission and put a trace on Kensi's phone. There is something very wrong and he can't stand not knowing where she is.

Her car is still where he parked it last night. He parks his car behind it and walks to the front door of Freddie's. The restaurant is not yet open and not many people around.

While he is waiting for the trace from Eric he kicks a soda can absent-mindedly, following it as he kicks it into the alley next to Freddie's, until something catches his eye that makes his blood turn cold. A purple stiletto is lying near the dumpster and there is no doubt in his mind that it is hers.

He runs to the dumpster and braces him self for what he may see when he opens it. Maybe it's the hangover and maybe it's the thought of finding her in the dumpster that makes him sick. He grabs the dumpster and before he can stop him self he vomits on the ground. He's having trouble breathing but when he finally opens it he relaxes. The dumpster is almost empty and no sign of Kensi in there.

He picks up her shoe and calls Eric again. He really needs that trace on her phone and he also needs all the help he can get. There is no doubt in his mind that something has happened. And it's his fault! Why didn't he look for her last night?

While he wait's for the text from Eric he searches the alley for her other shoe or her clutch, just anything that might lead him to where she is but there is nothing to be found.

He takes her stiletto to his car and throws it on the floor. He takes his gun and badge and locks his car. They always use her car so his go-bag is there along with hers.

When he finally gets the text from Eric he jumps into her car and takes off. His knows that she may not be where her phone is, her purse might have been stolen, but he can't wait any longer.

His breathing is rapid and he feels like he's loosing it. How could he let this happen? Why didn't he realize this last night. They were having a great time together, she wouldn't have left him like that. He should have known there was something wrong. He should have known!

As he drives through Los Angeles as fast as he can without risking being stopped by the police he makes her a promise. He will find her and he will find who ever took her and beat the living daylights out of him.

* * *

><p>It takes him close to two hours to get to where the GPS signal from her phone is coming. He has cooled down and is now able to think rationally.<p>

It turns out to be an old farmhouse. It looks run down and he's pretty sure no one is living there but there is a black SUV parked in front of the house. It seems like a perfect place to take your victim if you don't want to be disturbed.

He hates the thought of her being held in there against her will and wants nothing more that to burst in there and rescue her. Again he finds his stomach roll but this time he manages to stop him self before he throws up.

He decides to leave the car down by the road and walk up to the house. He will make up a story about his car breaking down. It will look more like he's telling the truth if the car is down by the road.

It only takes him a couple of minutes to walk up to the black SUV in the driveway. He looks in through backdoor window and the first thing he sees is her purple clutch. He may have been completely wrapped up in her dress last night but he did notice her colorful shoes and handbag.

He can also see her other stiletto. He doesn't need any more evidence, he's sure she is in there. He knows that Sam and Callen are on their way but he can't wait for them to arrive. He desperately wants to get her out of there.

He knocks on the door and has almost given up on waiting when he sees some movement on the inside. A man takes a sneak peak through the curtains on the door before opening just a crack.

"Hi, my name is Andrew" Deeks says. "My car just broke down and I called my brother to pick me up and he's on his way, but I really need to use the bathroom."

He can sense the hesitation from the other man. His pupils are dilated and Deeks is sure he is high on something. He prepares him self for fighting his way in if he has to, but the man introduces him self as Jack and lets Deeks in to they foyer.

He starts apologizing for the mess inside. He tells Deeks he is doing some renovation and then he shows him where the bathroom is.

The house is completely run down and there is no renovation going on. Everything is falling apart and Deeks suspects there is no electricity and no running water in the house. And if it were raining, he would probably be standing in a puddle of rain.

When he comes back from the bathroom Jack comes at him with a knife. Jack is not as strong as Deeks and it's almost an unfair fight, but the drugs he's on are giving him extra power. They struggle for some time until Deeks manages to knock Jack out long enough to get the cuffs on him and make sure he can't go anywhere or do any damage while he looks for Kensi.

He calls out her name but there is no answer. He runs from one room to another, franticly calling her name, hoping he's not too late to save his partner.

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><p>I would love some reviews. My next update will hopefully be next Sunday.<p> 


	4. Chapter 4

**Recap**

Kensi has been kidnapped by her long lost fiancé and Deeks goes looking for her. What happens when he finds her?

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><p><strong>Chapter four<strong>

He finds her in the bedroom on the second floor. He stops dead in the doorway when he sees her sprawled on the bed, her hands and feet tied to the bedposts, her clothes cut to pieces and her body bloody and hurt. But what brings tears to his eyes is the look of shame and defeat he sees in her eyes when she realizes that he is there, watching her in this state.

He runs to her side and takes his jacket of and covers her naked body with it. He cuts her loose and as soon as she can move she curls up into fetal position and starts crying.

There are no words spoken. He just sits there with her while she cries, his hand stroking her back trying to soothe her. It's doesn't take a genius to figure out what has happened to her and for the third time this day he thinks he's going to throw up. He has no idea if she was raped once or multiple times, or how many times she has been beaten. And he doesn't know how she felt when her dress was being cut from her body leaving her with bleeding wounds. All he knows is that if she wasn't holding his other hand with both hers, he would be down stairs killing the man that did this to her.

Crying seems to help her calm down. He can feel her breathing get even as he continues to stroke her back. She still hasn't turned to face him and he's okay with that. The truth is that he's having trouble facing her at the moment.

"You found me" she whispers when she stops crying.

"I did" he answers, quietly wishing he hadn't lost her in the first place but not saying the words. He feels like this is his fault because he should have known that something was wrong when she disappeared the night before.

She finally looks at him when they hear the low rumble of Sam's Charger out side. "I don't want them so see me like this" she begs him.

She is still only covered by his jacket and her clothes are completely ruined. "Shirt or t-shirt?" he asks her quickly.

"Shirt" she tells him and watches as he takes his shirt off and hand's it to her.

He turns his back to her while she gets dressed. When he faces her again she is sitting on the bed in his shirt with his jacket draped over her shoulders, ready to go home.

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><p>Jack wakes up at the same time as Sam and Callen enter the house and starts screaming like a madman. He calls out her name as her and Deeks come down the stairs. It comes as no surprise that Kensi hesitates and for a split second Deeks thinks she won't go any further. But then she takes his hand and lets him lead her all the way down and out to the porch.<p>

Sam quickly lets Jack know that his screaming is not getting him anywhere and moves him so that he no longer sees her face. That seems to make him even more angry but Sam is not letting him get away with anything.

Callen follows them out to the porch. He knows it's a stupid question but he asks it anyway. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine" she replies and instantly he knows that she's not fine. How can she be fine after being kidnapped? The fact that she's wearing Deeks' shirt tells him that her kidnapper didn't just stand and stare at her so she's definitely not fine.

He wants to tell her that he's sorry but she will probably tell him to shut up and he's not going to argue with her over this. He knows that she will close up and refuse to talk about it. Hetty may be the only person that can get through to her and get her to talk.

"I don't think your fine" he tells her. "But I won't ask again if you don't want to talk about it."

She doesn't answer but keeps staring down the driveway, waiting for Deeks to arrive with the car.

"I want you to take him to the boathouse" she tells him. "I will call Hetty and she will know where to take him. He's really sick and he needs to get medical care."

Callen is a little surprised by her request and realizes that she has a plan brewing in that head of hers and he's probably not going to like it. "You're not pressing charges, are you?" he asks her, not really sure he wants to know the answer.

"No" she says. "I can't do that to him" she continues and he can see a tear running down her cheek.

There is something going on here that he's not aware of. Part of him hopes that Sam has already beaten the shit out of the guy.

"Promise me you will treat him well" she asks him when they see Deeks coming up the driveway and the look in her eyes tells him that there will be hell to pay if he doesn't deliver Jack to the boathouse, safe and sound.

They stop talking as Deeks parks the car next to Sam's Charger. He goes through their stuff in the back, looking for shoes for her to wear and her go-bag. She picks out a pair of yoga pants and puts the shoes on but tells him she will keep his shirt on. He puts the rest of her stuff back in her go-bag and throws it into the car again.

He holds the door while she gets in. Thankfully she doesn't even suggest driving. He would have a tough time convincing her not to, but she just gets in and straps her self down.

"I'm taking her to see a doctor and then she needs to press charges" he tells Callen as he stops by the black SUV and picks up her clutch bag and stiletto.

"We'll finish up here" Callen answers. _And good luck with getting her to press charges buddy _he thinks to him self. He almost feels sorry for Deeks for having to drive her home. It's going to be a long drive where Deeks will try to get her to talk about what happened and Kensi will clam up and refuse to talk. At some point he will learn that she has no intention of pressing charges which will undoubtedly piss him off. If they make it to down town LA without killing each other it will be a small miracle.

He walks into the house and finds Sam and their bad guy in the kitchen. Sam has somehow calmed the man down so he is no longer shouting, but he's not very happy either. And Sam has a look on his face that can only mean that he knows something that Callen doesn't.

"Are they gone?" Sam asks as Callen steppes into the kitchen.

"Yes. Deeks thinks he's taking her to see a doctor" he replies.

"Really" Sam quips with a smile. "He doesn't know his partner too well."

Callen smiles and wonders if they are already fighting. "So, whom do we have here?" he asks Sam and points to the man slumping on the chair by the table. He seems to be shaking just a little, no doubt craving the drugs he has been using.

"This is Jack" Sam tells him. "But not just any Jack, this is t_he_ Jack."

"As in _her_ Jack, the one that left her?" Callen asks incredulously. It all makes sense now, why Kensi won't press charges and why she wants him to get the best care available.

"The one and only" Sam replies. "I'm guessing were not taking him in."

"You're guessing right" Callen says and picks up his cell phone. "Hetty is going to want to know about this. Kensi asked we take him to the boathouse."

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><p>Callen was right about the drive home being awkward. The first fifteen minutes went by in complete silence with Kensi looking out the side window, fiddling with the hem of the shirt she is wearing and Deeks dying to say something but doing his best not to. And fifteen minutes seems to be the maximum time for him to stay quiet.<p>

"How are you" he asks her quietly, placing his hand on hers to get her attention.

"I don't want to talk about it" she replies without turning to face him. She doesn't pull her hand away so he laces his fingers with hers for comfort and keeps on driving in silence for a few minutes.

"You don't have to tell me what happened but I need to know if you're hurt" he tells her, trying to get the conversation started again. "I can take you to the nearest hospital if you want to."

"No need" she tells him and lets go of his hand. "Just take me home."

Another few minutes go by in silence. He's not going to let this go. She is not going to pretend like nothing happened, he won't let her.

"Kensi, I'm not taking you straight home" he tells her. "You need to press charges and you need to see a doctor. There are tests that need to be done."

She finally turns in her seat and looks at him. "I think that should be my decision, not yours" she replies. "As it happens, I'm not pressing charges."

He's not sure he's hearing her right so he drives out to the shoulder and stops the car. "Let me get this straight" he says turning in his seat so that he's facing her. "You're not pressing any charges? You're just going to let him get away with what he did to you?"

"No" she says defiantly. "He's not getting away with anything." She has her stubborn face on where her mouth is a thin line and she's not looking at him. "I'm getting him the medical attention he needs to get better. I owe him that."

"You don't owe him anything. I'm sorry for not being sympathetic but he can rot in jail for all I care. I really don't understand what makes him so special. Help me understand" he begs her.

He sees the tears rolling down her cheeks as she looks away from him, almost like she's embarrassed. It reminds him of some of his worst memories and he hates him self for making her feel this way. "I owe it to him because it's Jack" she whispers.

It takes him a few moments to understand what she said. He thinks back to the Talbot case when she had told them about her engagement to Jack and how he had left her on Christmas Day some six, no almost seven years ago. They had never really talked about it but he had asked her if she had tried to find him and her reply had been that she somehow always hoped that he would find her.

He gently wipes her tears away with his thumb, turning her head to face him. "I'm sorry" he tells her quietly. "I had no idea."

"Well now you know" she tells him with a sad smile. "Can you please take me home now?"

He fights the words to keep them from coming out. He has seen enough abuse, both in his personal life and as a cop, to know that abuse rarely stops once it begins. He also knows that she has made up her mind and that he won't be able to change her mind so he tries to make the best of the situation.

"Tell you what" he replies. "Let's make a deal. I'll take you to see the doctor of your choice and you won't have to press charges. How does that sound?"

She doesn't seem to be too happy about his suggestion but she knows that he's right. She needs to be examined. God only knows what diseases Jack may have given to her.

"Agreed" she tells him.

He turns back in his seat and gets back on the road. They manage to get to down town LA in less than two hours. He takes her to a clinic she agrees to and waits for her while she is being examined. When she is done it's almost dark out side and he can hear her stomach growling as she gets in the car.

He takes her home and gives her all the time she needs to shower and get into clean clothes. He makes a meal out of what little she had in her fridge but she only picks at her food, not really interested in anything but too hungry not to eat.

The doctor gave her a sedative to help her sleep and she takes her pills before getting into bed. Soon she is sleeping heavily.

Deeks finishes up in the kitchen. He won't leave her tonight. If she wakes up and needs him, he will be there for her. Unlike her former fiancé who left her without saying a word and didn't even make contact once in all that time. She has punched Deeks in various places for a lot less than that.

He feels that Jack is getting away with a lot more than he should. He remembers the abuse in his own home and the way his mother had always taken the blame for his father's anger. The look in Kensi's eyes when he found her had been so much like his mothers when his father had taken his rage out on his wife and left her broken and bruised, both mentally and physically.

And now Kensi has gone a made sure that her kidnapper is well taken care off. That he gets the best medical treatment he can have.

He is tired and angry and doing his best to get comfortable on her couch. It's not an easy task. An eight year old wouldn't be comfortable in a couch that only seats two people, let alone a fully grown 6'2'' male. Deeks can barely stretch his legs while sitting up in the sofa, he will never be able to lie down comfortably. But he tries and for some miracle he manages to curl up on his side an fall asleep. It's been a hectic day and he really needs the rest.

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><p>I'm sorry this chapter is a little later than promised. I will try to stick to my original plan and update again next Sunday. I also want to thank you for the reviews and the story alerts, they really make me happy.<p> 


	5. Chapter 5

**Recap**

The whole team goes out for dinner and some karaoke. At the end of the evening Kensi is kidnapped by her long lost fiancé who does some really nasty things to her before Deeks comes to her rescue. She refuses to press charges against her former fiancé. Is he back in her life?

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><p><strong>Chapter five<strong>

She's fighting for control. Fighting, feeling like she's tied up and desperately trying to get free. She's tossing and turning and then she's falling. She wakes up as her body hits the bedroom floor. She's laying there on the stomach entangled in her bed sheets when Deeks comes bursting in to see if she is okay, making her frown as he turns on the light.

She feels kind of stupid when he holds out his hand to help her get up. He looks like he's been sleeping and his hair is a tangled mess but he still has that signature smile on his face like he's amused by her predicament. But as quickly as his smile appears it disappears and his face becomes serious.

The change doesn't go unnoticed by her. She doesn't take his hand but gets her self up. She has a difficult time facing him and is reminded of the fact that less than 24 hours ago he was the one who found her naked and tied up, her body on display in the worst possible way. No wonder his smile just faded like he had suddenly seen something horrific.

"I'm sorry" she tells him bashfully. "Did I wake you?"

Her apology makes him angry. He wants to tell her that she has done nothing to be ashamed of and should not be apologizing but decides against it. Instead he answers her question with another question.

"Are you okay?" he asks her quietly.

"I'm fine" she replies. "It was just a nightmare." She picks the bed sheets up from the floor and throws them on her bed. "Time to get up anyway" she continues as she looks at her watch.

It's almost seven am and she's not going back to bed. He follows her to the kitchen where she opens the fridge and finds nothing she would like to have for breakfast. Deeks could probably manage to magically conjure something up like he did last night, but she won't ask him.

He doesn't miss the look on her face as she opens the fridge. He knows what is in there and there is not enough junk there to make her happy. So he decides to ask her out for breakfast. "Do you want to go somewhere and get breakfast?"

Although she's hungry like a wolf she's not ready to face too many people and going out to breakfast would be way too public. "No" she tells him. "But you should go. I have some things I have to take care of."

He knows that's a lie but he gets the message, she wants him to leave so he does just that. He doesn't want to. What he wants is to hold her and tell her everything will be just fine but he also knows that healing will take time.

She feels empty when he's gone and for a split second she wants to run after him and beg him to come back. But she doesn't. She needs to work this through on her own because this happened to her and no one else. And she has to accept the fact that Deeks and everybody else will treat her differently because of what happened. Nothing will ever be the same.

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><p>Hetty had managed to get Jack admitted to a private rehab clinic where he would also get help for his PTSD and Kensi would be forever in her debt for that. She had also given Kensi the week off but she would much rather just be working. She only takes the time off because it sounded more like an order than a suggestion.<p>

The week goes by slowly. She's bored out of her mind by day two and decides to clean her bungalow. Sam, Callen and Deeks take turns calling and coming around after work to keep her company. She keeps telling them that she's okay and that they don't need to babysit her. As usual Callen and Sam are easily manipulated but Deeks refuses to stop.

So he keeps coming around even when she tells him not to. Her only line of defense is pushing him away. Not letting him sit too close to her on the couch. Not letting him put his arm around her or leaning in to him, although that is what she wants to do more than anything. And not letting him stay for the night like he did the night he brought her home.

When he leaves in the evenings she goes to bed and almost every night she cries herself to sleep. She is okay in the daytime but when the night comes she is afraid and lonely and insecure and nothing like the Kensi she used to be. She hates the person she has become. And she hates the nightmares she has every night. It's always the same nightmare where she relives what Jack did to her in that house. How he cut her clothes and raped her, because even though she didn't press charges, she recognizes the crime that was committed. And the strange thing is that if she were to give advice to a woman in the same situation, she would have no problem telling her what she needed to do, but she is unable to take her own advice. Instead she buries her feelings deep within and pushes the ones she loves away.

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><p>It's late and Deeks has been delaying going home. He's sitting at his desk at the Mission, surfing the internet, not looking for anything special. It's been four weeks since Jack raped her and things between him and Kensi are still not back to normal. In fact, she is keeps pushing him away and tonight she told him she doesn't want his company at all.<p>

He misses the evenings they spent together before everything went wrong. On a normal night they would be having a beer right about now, watching some crime show and laughing at how unreal everything on the show was. Or they would be watching Americas Top Model, her favorite TV show, and making bets on who would get eliminated.

In the past four weeks he has gone to her place almost every night. They watch TV and do most of the same things as before but without the beer and without the laughing. He hasn't heard her laugh since Jack took her. No matter how much he tries to make her laugh, nothing seems to be working. It's like she's mourning and in a way she probably is. Perhaps she is mourning the carefree and self assured person she used to be because he hasn't seen her since before the kidnapping.

She doesn't show it at work but she's not over what happened yet. She is more tightly wound than usual, more jumpy and on edge and at one time she nearly froze as their bad guy came running towards her, ready to attack. Thankfully Deeks had been right behind her and taken care of the situation.

He never mentioned it to anyone and she didn't speak of it either. It had been a close call and they both knew that he had saved her life. They are going to have to talk about it sooner or later because it's not only about her being ready to fight the bad guys, she also has to be there for her partner. He needs to know for sure that she will be there for him.

He knows he should have told Hetty about the incident but he won't do that to Kensi. She is going to have to tell her herself and she needs to see someone to deal with her fears. Until then he will just have to take his chances and hope that she won't freeze up again.

He is so caught up in his thoughts that he doesn't hear Hetty come into the bullpen until she's right in front of him. Her expression is hard and he knows that something isn't right.

"Mr. Deeks. I need a word with you" she says. "Jack has discharged himself from the clinic and is now out on the streets. I fear he might try to find Kensi."

His blood runs cold when he listens to what she is saying and he has a hard time letting her finish before he runs to the door. He knew this would happen, he just didn't think it would be so soon.

"I'll go to her place" he tells her as he packs his gun and his badge.

"Thank you" she says. "I'll try and call her to let her know that he's out."

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><p>He's at her bungalow in less than twenty minutes. Her front door is ajar and he fights the urge to run in there with his gun in his hand. Instead he just opens the door slowly and walks in.<p>

Her eyes meet his as soon as he enters. She's standing in her kitchen, one hand on the kitchen counter. Jack is standing in front of her and from what Deeks can gather he is telling her how sorry he is and that he loves her and that he never wanted to hurt her.

Deeks sends her a questioning look asking if she's okay. She knows what that look means, they use it while working when they can't use words to communicate. She nods, almost invisibly, but he knows that she's not okay. He can see the fear in her and she should be afraid. The man in front of her isn't well and he has already hurt her badly.

When Jack realizes that they are no longer alone he turns to face Deeks. Deeks isn't sure if he remembers him from before or not. He was pretty high when they fought and he might not recognize him. He turns back to Kensi and asks her to ask Deeks to leave.

"He stay's" she tells him and Deeks moves to her side. She finds the strength in him that she needs to tell Jack that _he_ is the one that has to leave. Jack is not too happy about it but eventually he does and they are left alone in her bungalow.

As soon as Jack is out the door Deeks goes and locks up behind him. Kensi is still standing in her kitchen, unable to move. She has her phone in her hand since Hetty called her to let her know that Jack was out, only it had been too late. He had already been in her living room when the call came.

He comes back to her when he has locked the door and checked all her windows and made her bungalow secure. She is looking down at her feet, not meeting his gaze, and before he can approach her she walks into the bathroom and closes the door behind her.

He knows she's crying and doesn't want him to know it. He calls Hetty to tell her that Jack had already been at Kensi's place when she called her. He didn't brake in so there is nothing to charge him with, he is a free man.

He plants him self on her couch and waits for her to come back from the bathroom. When she does her eyes are puffy, proofing his theory about her going in there to cry. She brings a couple of beers and sits down by his side. No words are necessary. They just sit there watching some teenage movie that's actually quite funny but they might as well be watching a funeral.

Occasionally he looks over to her but she's not looking back at him and he knows that it means that she's not going to talk about it. When the movie comes to an end she assures him she doesn't need him to stay. As usual she promises to call him if she needs him and then she locks her door behind him when he leaves.

She knows that he's not happy with her but she doesn't want him to stay because he will find out about her nightmares. He kind of knows after that first night but he doesn't know that she has nightmares every night. And he doesn't need to know, this is her problem.

She sometimes wishes he was with her every minute of every day because he makes her feel safe. Sitting by his side on her couch she feels the heat radiating from him and sometimes she wants so badly to cuddle up to him and to have his arm around her, protecting her. But she doesn't allow it to happen. Instead she pushes him away to hide how she is really feeling inside.

The tears threaten to come back as she turns off the lights in her kitchen. Every day she wishes things had turned out differently and every day she wonders how he sees her after what happened. She doesn't blame him for not wanting her like he did before but sometimes it hurts.

She is half way to her bedroom when there is a knock on her front door. Her heart skips a beat and she runs to the door to let him back in. No matter how stupid her nightmares are, she needs him and perhaps he won't mind staying for the night after all.

She unlocks the door, opening it with his name on her lips, but it's not Deeks at her door. For the second time this evening Jack is the one standing on her doorstep and this time he's not waiting for an invite.

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><p>Dear readers. I'm really sorry for making you wait for so long for this update. I decided to get some education while working full time and running a home. Don't know why I thought there would be some extra time to indulge in my favorite obsession which is writing fan fiction. I'm not making any promises for the next update. I hope you'll stick with me and thank you so much for the reviews, I really love them.<p> 


	6. Chapter 6

**Recap**

Jack is back on the streets and is harassing Kensi. Will Deeks be able to save her this time or is she in for another nasty surprise from her former fiancé?

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><p><strong>Chapter six<strong>

He doesn't know why he's just sitting in his car. Kensi would say he was sulking and that is probably true. He hates leaving her alone after what happened and there is nothing waiting for him at home. He sit's back and closes his eyes and when he opens them again in what feels like only five minutes, he sees what he least wants to see; Kensi is struggling to keep Jack from entering her apartment.

He's at her door in a flash. Jack has forced her inside and she is laying on the floor beside her couch where he is hovering over her. He grabs Jack and pulls him off her, pushing him back against the wall, his fist clenched and ready to strike. His training helps him restrain the urge he has to beat Jack to a pulp. Instead he looks over to where Kensi is getting up. Jack takes the opportunity and manages to twist out of Deeks' hold and run out the door.

Deeks doesn't go after him. He returns to Kensi as he takes his phone from his pocket and calls the police. She doesn't even try to prevent him from calling, right now there is nothing she wants more than to have Jack arrested.

For the second time that night Deeks secures her door and windows. When he comes back to her and pulls her into his arms she welcomes his touch and puts her arms around him.

"This time Kensi, I'm not leaving you" he tells her softly.

She nods but doesn't let him go until they hear the police arrive and Deeks has to let them in. He gives them a good description of Jack and tells them what has happened earlier that evening. He leaves out the part where Jack raped her four weeks ago, it's not his story to tell and she has made it clear that she wants to keep it that way. The officers are not overly optimistic about apprehending Jack but they will put out an APB and maybe they'll get lucky.

When they are finally alone again he notices how tired she is. He looks over the living room. She has straightened her couch and picked up the class form the vase Jack broke when he pushed her inside. He looks at her couch and has no intention of repeating the human-pretzel. His back had been killing him for days after the last time he slept there.

"You need to pack your things, were going to my place" he tells her.

She looks like she's going to protest and begins to say something but stops her self. They both know that as long as Jack is a free man he will continue to come back and she is in no way prepared to fight him off.

It only takes her fifteen minutes to get ready. They take his car and leave hers so that Jack may think she is still at home. They arrive at Deeks' place twenty minutes later. He turns the lights off in the bedroom when she has settled in between the covers before going back to his living room and laying down on his couch that is a lot bigger than hers. He can almost stretch out and even though he is far from being comfortable he manages to fall asleep almost immediately.

Kensi, on the other hand, is having trouble sleeping. She has been laying in his huge bed for what seems like hours, thinking what might have happened if Deeks had left her like she asked him to. She can't get the image of Jack from her mind, the way he looked when he was standing over her with that crazy look in his eyes and the obvious signs of drug abuse.

She realizes it was a mistake not to press charges when he raped her. She knows that if they catch him now they will treat this like a domestic violence case and they will only keep him long enough to get him sober. And then he'll be out on the streets again.

She turns and finds her watch on the nightstand. It's a little over two am and she really needs to get some sleep. She curls up, pulling the sheets close to her chin and closing her eyes. She can smell Deeks on the covers and she inhales deeply. She feels lucky to have him in her life and even luckier he doesn't let her push him away.

Finally sleep comes to her and only too soon she is back in her nightmare. Once again she is in that house, tied up and Jack is cutting up her dress. She begs him to stop but he won't and she is too afraid to move in case he cuts her with the blade. What's different is Deeks' soothing voice and when she wakes up he's sitting on the bed, his hand on her shoulder.

"Another nightmare?" he whispers.

"I have one every night" she admits after some hesitation.

"Have you told anyone? You need to talk to someone to get through this" he tells her, knowing she has refused to see a therapist.

"I'm telling you" she answers a little stubbornly. She probably would have told Nate if he had been there, but since he was doing his duty in Afghanistan, or where ever he was at the moment, and there was no second or third choice, she had decided to keep everything to her self. If she absolutely needed to tell anyone, Deeks was going to be the one.

"I am not a therapist" he tells her. "I don't know the first thing about how to deal with what you went through Kensi. You need to talk to someone who knows about these things."

"_You_ know about _this_ thing Deeks, you were there remember" she reminds him.

There is a deafening silence between them. She's right, he does know about what happened to her. If she wants to confide in him the least he could do is listen, no matter how much he dislikes the thought of it.

"I'm sorry this happened to you" he tells her quietly.

"You didn't do this, Jack did" she tells him. "You have no reason to be sorry."

He knows that she's right but it doesn't make him feel any better. He looks at his watch and smiles as he can see her trying to hide a yawn. "I should let you go back to sleep" he tells her softly. "It's only 3:30."

She grabs his hand before he can stand up. "Stay … please. I don't feel like being alone and your bed is big enough for the both of us."

She senses his hesitation but before she can say anything he goes to the other side of the bed and gets in beside her. It takes him a way to long to adjust his pillow and get comfortable but eventually he manages to relax and fall asleep.

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><p>When he opens his eyes again it's daylight outside and Kensi is no longer in the bed beside him. He can hear her in the shower and if he listens very carefully he is sure he can hear her singing.<p>

He gets out of bed and goes to the kitchen to make some blueberry pancakes. He knows they are a favorite of hers and he has all the ingredients he needs to make them. When she finishes her shower the pancakes are ready on a plate for her and she sits down happily to eat them.

He suggests they take Monty for a walk and she agrees to his plan. They finish cleaning up after breakfast and Deeks takes a shower before they pack a small backpack and head for his car. When Monty isn't undercover with Deeks he lives with Mrs. Alvarez, a nice elderly lady that takes good care of him, and it's obvious that he loves her dearly.

Kensi can't help but feel happy when she sees him and by the way he's wagging his tail as he sees her, the feeling is quite mutual. Deeks puts him in the back seat of the car and the drive to Runyon Canyon Park. Monty seems to know where he's going because he can hardly contain himself as they approach the park. When they finally let him out of the car he runs back and forth, going away from them and coming back like he's asking if he can really run wild and then tearing off again.

They go for a slow walk in the park while Monty runs a marathon, chasing a stick Kensi picked up and keeps throwing when he brings it back. When they find a nice little spot to sit down Deeks gets a blanket from his backpack and they just sit there enjoying the tranquility. Even Monty decides to sit down next to Kensi, hoping he will get a cuddle like he always gets from her. She gives him a good scratch behind the ears and tells him some nonsense that makes Deeks laugh but Monty seems to know exactly what she means.

"You're spoiling him" he tells her laughing and lays down on the blanket.

"Well, he deserves it" she replies and picks the stick up one more time and throws it in the air. Monty runs like there is no tomorrow and catches the stick before it lands, bringing it back to Kensi for another run but when he gets back she has moved to lay down on her stomach the blanket next to his master. He's okay with that and turns his attention to a fly that is making this wonderful buzzing noise and keeps flying right in front of his nose.

She watches him follow the fly for a moment before turning her attention to Deeks. He is laying on his back with his eyes closed, his handsome face peaceful. She knows that he is the one that is getting her through this ordeal. Without him she would be nothing. She shudders when she thinks what could have happened the night before had Deeks not been there.

"Thank you for being there for me" she tells him quietly. "Not just last night but right from the beginning."

He opens his eyes and looks at her. "I will always be there for you" he answers. "You can call me any time, day or night, and I will be there."

There are so many things she wants to tell him now that she has the courage to do it. She looks around to see if there is anyone near and then she takes a deep breath before speaking.

"I used to love him with all my heart" she begins. "He was the most handsome man I had ever met. A strong and resourceful man, very much like my father. He kept me safe. At that time I didn't have great plans for myself, I was happy by his side."

She looks at Deeks as if to see his reaction before she continues.

"Before he went to Fallujah we made our wedding plans and we were going to get married when he got back. But Jack never really came back. The man he had become was a different man. And even though I tried to keep things together our relationship was failing long before he left me. I know I told you about my engagement and that Jack left me without a word on Christmas morning. The truth is that he had already postponed our wedding. We were supposed to get married that day."

"He left you at the altar?" Deeks asked incredulously.

"No, the wedding and the engagement was off by that time. And I think that deep down I was glad although I had trouble admitting that our relationship had failed."

"I'm sorry you lost him and your dreams" he tells her quietly. He would also like to tell her that Jack didn't deserve her and that he still thinks Jack is an asshole and that she should have pressed charges, but he doesn't.

"Don't be" she tells him. "Loosing him was the best thing that ever happened to me. It made me pursue my own career. I would never have met you, or Hetty, or Callen or the others if he hadn't left me."

"You still love him?" he asks her a little nervously. "Is that why you didn't press charges?"

"No" she replies instantly. "I haven't loved him for a very long time. I just wanted him to get better. I don't want him back if that's what you're asking."

He looks at her like he's not sure what to say. The conversation is over when Monty comes trotting back. He has had enough exercise for one day and squeezes in between them, laying down and expecting some TLC. He gives Kensi a wet slobbery kiss on the cheek which makes her laugh out loud and wipe the dog saliva of her face.

Deeks' heart nearly stops when she starts laughing. He hasn't heard that sound for so long. Nothing has been amusing to her since Jack raped her and this little step seems to be so important. Bringing Monty for a walk is turning out to be the best idea he has had for a very long time.

They pack up their things and head back to the car. It's getting late in the day and Deeks takes her to a Farmers Market where they buy fresh meet and vegetables for dinner. He calls Mrs. Alvarez and tells her Monty will be staying the night and takes them back to his place where he makes her dinner while she tells Monty some more nonsense.

After dinner they get together on the couch and watch an old movie. When it's over he gets up and turns off the TV. It's been a great day and he's sure Kensi feels the same way. She is almost asleep on the couch and he wonders if he could carry her into his bed without waking her up but decides not to try it.

"You should go to bed" he tells her softly as he moves a lock of hair from her face.

She makes a low murmur before getting up and walking sleepily to the bedroom. "Are you coming?" she asks him.

Like the night before he hesitates. Having her in his bed is a dream come true but he wants her there for the right reasons and the last thing she needs right now is him lusting after her.

He sees her turn around in the doorway, waiting for his response. She has that stubborn look on her face and he knows there is no use arguing about this so he follows her to the bedroom, turning off the lights on his way.

She gets into bed and like the night before she stays on his side. Not that it matters, he could sleep sideways in his bed without much trouble, but her being there makes him uneasy.

When he finally settles down he can see her looking at him from the other side of the bed with a grin on her face.

"I'm on your side, aren't I?" she teases him smiling when he finally stops moving.

"Yeah" he replies, relieved that she thinks his hesitation comes from being on the wrong side of the bed.

"Well, I'm not moving" she continues and pulls the covers up to her chin. "I like it where I am."

"I do too" he tells her and closes his eyes.

* * *

><p>Her whimpering wakes him up a couple of hours later. She's having a nightmare like the night before. He pulls her close to him, whispering soothing words into her ear. It calms her down and soon she is sleeping restfully again.<p>

When he wakes up again it's early morning. Kensi is still in his arms but sometime during the night she has turned and is now facing him. Her hand is resting on his chest, their bodies close together and he can feel her even breathing on his skin.

He knows he should let her go. That he should move away from her so she can feel safe around him. She has chosen him to be her confidant and friendship is the only kind of relationship they should have while she is healing.

He doesn't find the strength to let her go. Not even when she starts moving her hand on his chest like she is seeing him with her fingers. Her movement is so small that he almost doesn't realize it at first but then her fingers start tracing circles on his chest. When she wraps her leg around one of his legs to bring herself even closer to his body, he knows he's in trouble. She is driving him crazy and if she doesn't know it by now, she will feel his unmistakable desire for her in just a moment.

Her lips brush lightly against the skin on his neck and he can feel him self loosing control, all good intentions thrown to the wind. And then his phone rings.

Thankful for the annoying sound of his phone so early on a Sunday morning, he lets go of her and rolls over to answer. It's a short conversation. The LAPD have arrested Jack and he will stay down at the station for 24 hours.

The magic between them has been broken and although she shows no sign of getting out of bed, he knows that he can't stay there any longer. He gets up and heads for the bathroom for a long and a rather cold shower.


	7. Chapter 7

**Recap**

Jack has finally been arrested. Will Kensi be able to press charges?

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter seven<strong>

They both pretend everything is alright Monday morning when they met at work. Neither mentions staying together the whole weekend, and neither tells the others about Jack's arrest or what happened leading up to it.

It is a slow morning. Sam and Callen are working on a cold case that seems to be going nowhere and Deeks is wrapping up some paperwork he should have finished before the weekend. The guys all seemed to be having a good day. She would love to be there laughing with them but the release of her former fiancé keeps her mind preoccupied. She's doesn't know if she's scared or just angry. The only thing she does know is that she is going to press charges.

After lunch she secretly asks Hetty for some time off to go to the police station and after waiting for what seems like hours she is finally met by an officer who takes her statement.

Officer Parks is young and seems rather new at this. Kensi is not sure which one of them is more uncomfortable while he takes her statement but they manage to get through the process. It takes all she has to tell him about what happened in that house and that four weeks later her tormentor came back and broke into her bungalow twice the same night.

When Officer Parks asks for a witness he mistakenly thinks that Deeks is her boyfriend, not just her partner at work, which she thinks is ironic in light of what happened the day before. She doesn't tell him otherwise, there is no need to degrade herself any more that she already has today.

When she finally comes out of the Police Station she feels like a weight has been lifted from her chest. She knows this isn't over, far from it. But she also knows that if Jack comes back or if he attacks another woman, she has done all she can to prevent it. And that helps her justify her actions.

Her only witness spends the evening on her couch. For some reason he seems tired and a little distant and she can't help but think it has something to do with her coming on to him the day before.

She tries to find the right time to tell him about the charges and that he should be prepared if they ask him for his statement, but she can't find the right moment. Telling him feels like admitting he was right about the charges in the first place and she simply can't admit to that just yet, at least not to him.

So instead of telling him they sit together in silence, watching some TV show they only half enjoy. It's one of those evenings where they just enjoy each others quiet company until he decides to go home. There are no long goodbyes. He doesn't suggest staying and she doesn't ask him to.

She locks up when he leaves. They know Jack is probably back on the streets and she makes Deeks a promise not to open her door unless she has her gun in her hand.

Her bed feels empty and cold but she's too tired to be bothered about it. She just crawls in between the sheets and falls asleep almost immediately.

She wakes up four hours later having a very powerful orgasm. Her heart is racing and her breathing is rapid and shallow. She whisper his name into the darkness as the waves of pleasure wash over her. _Marty_ is the name on her lips and she likes the sound of it.

This is not the first time she has a sexual dream about her partner although it hasn't happened since before Jack took her. This time the dream is so real that she would be willing to swear she felt his presence. She turns her head, hoping to see him as if by some miracle he was there. And then she remembers that he no longer has any interest in her.

Frustrated and a little hurts she does her best to fall back to sleep but somehow that never happens. When her alarm goes off she's tired and sleep deprived but gets out of bed, takes a shower and goes to work.

Deeks doesn't come to work that day and she has no idea where he is. Thankfully it's another slow day at the office so she hangs out with Nell in the Tech Center for most of the day.

Her mind is on Deeks and she wonders where he is but she doesn't call him to ask. If he wants her to know he will tell her.

When he doesn't come in on Wednesday either she talks to Hetty who tells her he has other business to attend to. She doesn't say what exactly so Kensi assumes it has something to do with LAPD.

She starts her day cleaning her desk. When she's done cleaning she looks at Deeks' desk. He has a wooden box on his desk that makes her curious. Sam and Callen are somewhere out and there is no one in the bullpen so she gives in to her curiosity and opens the box. It appears to be filled with small notes that turn out to be names and phone numbers.

"That incurable flirt" she mutters to her self. He keeps the phone numbers he gets from women who can't resist his charm. It's like a little black book.

Looking around to make sure no one is watching she tears every piece of paper into tiny bits and puts them back into the box. "Good luck using any of those phone numbers" she thinks to her self. She knows that what she did is incredibly childish but at the same time it is very gratifying.

On Thursday morning she drags her self out of bed. She still hasn't heard from Deeks and it feels a little like he has betrayed her.

When she gets in to work Sam and Callen are on their way to the gym. She decides to join them. Perhaps she will get some of the resentment and frustration out of her system during their hand-to-hand training.

After Callen beats her five times in a row he is now teasing her as he watches Sam kick her ass. She knows it's not fair but she blames Deeks. If he was there things wouldn't be so difficult and Callen wouldn't have been able to piss her off like he already did.

"Come on Sam, don't take it easy on her just because she's a girl" Callen said with laughter in his voice as Sam hoisted Kensi in the air and put her gently down on her back on the mattress.

"I am not a girl" she hisses as she gets up and tries to attack Sam. He is prepared and gets her in a headlock, winning the second fight in a row.

"I beg to differ" Callen teases. "You appear to have all the necessary female bits" he says pointing out the obvious. "What do you think, Sam?"

"She does look like a girl. She used to fight more like a boy but now I'm not so sure" he says as he once again has her laying on the floor.

By now she is so angry that she wants to cry but she's not giving them the satisfaction of seeing that happen. She jumps on Sam's back but he just shakes her off and turns her around and gets the upper hand by holding her from behind, accidentally gripping her breast in the process.

"Sam!" she yells accusingly and he quickly lets go of her apologizing for his mistake. She takes the opportunity to turn around and hook her foot around his to bring him down. This small victory gives her some satisfaction but not nearly enough to get her in a better mood.

Sam calls her a cheat and Callen makes fun of him for letting it happen. They still have one more fight to go before she can switch places with Callen and take over the verbal abuse. She looks Sam in the eye as they move in the circle, ready to jump in any time and then something catches her eye. Monty comes walking into the gym and Deeks follows close behind.

She gets distracted and Sam takes the opportunity to take her down before she knows what hit her.

"Hey!" Deeks shouts out cheerfully. "That's no way to treat my partner guys" he continues laughing. Monty seems to agree with him because he looks like he's about to attack Sam.

Kensi pushes Sam off her and gets up. Monty wags his tail happily, glad to see that she is free, but she almost doesn't notice this loyal friend. All she can see right now is her partner and all she can feel is the rage towards him and towards anyone and anything.

"Where were you?" she asks him angrily as she stops only a foot away from him.

"Relax Kensi" he tells her with a smile on his face. "I was giving my statement. Why didn't you tell me?"

"So you could gloat?" she hisses.

It dawns on him that there is something very wrong here. He can understand that she is pissed because Sam had her on the floor when he came in and Kensi really doesn't like to loose a fight. She never gets this angry though so there is probably more to it. And somehow it feels like it's his fault.

"I would never do that, you know that Kensi" he tells her. His hand reaches up to her arm, gently letting his hand trail down to her hand. She doesn't pull away but she's not taking his hand either.

"Two whole days?" she continues. "You've been gone for two days. You couldn't call or text to let me know where you were or that you were okay?"

He can't stop the grin from forming on his face. Two days is not a long time, it's like a weekend and they have had plenty of those without any contact at all. "Did you miss me?" he asks her.

She doesn't even roll her eyes witch only confirms how pissed she is. "I thought you were gone, that you'd left me" she continues. She feels the tears form in her eyes. From the corner of her eye she can see Callen and Sam watching and for some reason the gym has never been as busy as now.

"Kensi…" he asks her baffled.

"What took you so long?" she asks him. She feels like she's choking, like she will never be able to breathe normally again. The tears blur her vision and the anger explodes within her.

He steps closer and puts his hands on her shoulders, pulling her closer, but she's not letting him.

"WHY DID YOU LET HIM TAKE ME!" she yells at him as she hits him with both fists on the chest, pushing him away from her.

She realizes only too late that almost every one in the OSP Center is now in the gym and that the only sound in there is her own crying. She walks past her partner and continues out of the Mission.

With one nearly invisible nod from his master Monty goes after her. Deeks knows that no matter what happens, the dog will be there for her and that if she is going to talk to anyone or anything, it will be Monty.

* * *

><p>It was bound to happen sooner or later. She has finally exploded and is blaming him for what happened. And he is okay with that because she has finally put her feelings into words, although he was hoping it wouldn't be such a public display.<p>

Hetty is the one that breaks the silence after Kensi's outburst and starts by sending everyone not directly involved with the team back to their stations for work. Eric and Nell have moved to Sam and Callen who are still standing by the mattress they were using for their practice.

"Your partner did not sound happy with you just now Mr. Deeks." Hetty said. "Are you two alright?"

"We're fine" he replies. "We're going to be fine once I find her and she's calmed down."

"You do that Mr. Deeks, go find your partner. And remember, she is only lashing out. What happened was not your fault".

He takes his phone from his pocket to see if there are any messages from her. "Find her and text me" he tells Eric.

Her car is still in the parking lot. He figures she has either walked down to the beach or to a park near by, both in the same direction, so he starts walking. He gets a text from Eric ten minutes later, telling him that she's in the park.

He spots her sitting on the grass, her arms around her knees. Monty is sitting in front of her, looking at her like he wants to tell her something. He gives her a kiss, licking the tears from her face and she pushes him gently away.

Deeks walks slowly towards where she is sitting and when he reaches her he sits down behind her, his legs on either side of her legs and his arms hugging her. She doesn't turn or say anything. She is still crying and the tears are running down her face.

He doesn't say anything and Monty just stay's still where he is. Several minutes pass in silence. She stops crying and recovers, at least to the point where she can hold up a conversation.

"Why are you here?" she asks him.

"Because I'm an idiot and I need your forgiveness" he tells her.

"You are" she agrees. "Where have you been?"

He hugs her closer to his chest, thinking he really doesn't want to tell her what he has been doing but it's not something he has to hide from her either.

"I went with Sam and Callen to see a suspect last Monday and when we got there, there was this ten year old boy who had been beaten badly by his father. I took him to the hospital and then CPS took him into their care. They got him a foster family right away but he was scared and unhappy and I thought Monty might be good company for him while he was adjusting."

She feels a little embarrassed for selfishly wanting him all to her self. She knows that child abuse is his worst nightmare. His dad had been an abusive drunk that Deeks had shot in self defense when he was eleven years old. He never spoke of the incident or of his father. It was like he never existed but she knew that deep inside he was still hurting. And now, after her experience with Jack, she understands what it means never to be able to forget.

"I'm sorry" she tells him.

"I'm not" he answers. "Monty and I got to help him to a better life and that makes us happy." He reaches one hand out to the dog that is still sitting in front of Kensi, and pats his head. Monty gets up and wags his tail happily. He knows he has done a good job and comes to lay down closer to them.

"You want to tell me what happened in the gym?" he asks her.

She hesitates a little. Suddenly her problems seem so unimportant compared to the problems of a ten year old who is being abused. But she needs to get this off her chest and now is the right time.

"Sam and Callen were teasing me and I didn't handle it too well. And I may have been feeling sorry for my self because you don't like me anymore" she tells him shyly. "Am I that repulsive to you?"

He's not sure what to say. This was not what he was expecting to hear and right now he has no answer. "What gave you that impression?" he asks her.

"I have done almost everything except throw myself at you. No, wait. I _did_ throw myself at you last Sunday and you didn't care" she continues.

He's glad she doesn't see the smile on his face. "I did care Kensi. How could you not notice how I felt? I cared enough to leave the bed for a cold shower. I didn't think making love to you while you were still in shock after the latest attack was a good idea."

"Well, you could have told me because it felt like you couldn't get away fast enough. Like I was damaged goods" she complains. Things would have been so much easier if she had understood what he was thinking.

He moves the hair from her face and kisses her cheek. "Never doubt how crazy I am about you Kensi. Every night when I leave your bungalow I would much rather take you to your bed and make love to you until the early hours of the morning, but I don't think you're ready for that yet."

"How do you know that?" she asks him stubbornly.

"I don't" he tells her, "but I'm willing to wait for the right moment."

"So, now what? Where do we go from here?" she continues. She's no longer crying and is now relaxed in his arms. Her back is to his chest and she feels the warmth coming from him.

"I thought we might take it slow, perhaps go on date, say tomorrow night." He has in fact planned a little dinner at one of his favorite restaurants and if she's in the mood for a movie he has one in mind he thinks she will like.

"I would like that" she tells him.

They sit for a few minutes in silence before she continues. "You sure you're still crazy about me?"

Her tightens his hold around her and laughs. "Why don't you just turn around and I'll show you.

* * *

><p>Sorry for the long wait, it's been almost a month since my last update. Thank you so much to the readers who have stuck with me. I'll try to update again in two weeks.<p>

Please leave a review, I really like those.


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